his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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