I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
