Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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