she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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