you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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