Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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