i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize