His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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