make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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