handjob tips. give me some.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
