my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
