so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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