My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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