Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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