Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
