people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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