I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Drake has all the answers
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
