i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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