Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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