I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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