did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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