my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my sisters under your porch take her home
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
