like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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