I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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