new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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