I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
