I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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