There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
