We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize