Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
