I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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