When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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