ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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