I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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