When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
