If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
