I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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