We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
