I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
