ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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