its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
