I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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