I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize