Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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