just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i think i just lost a toe
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
