Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
