these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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