I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
