Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
