I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
