My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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