I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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