hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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