fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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