i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
