Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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