is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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