I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
