Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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