We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
