I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
