she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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