so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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