my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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