last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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