That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
