New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
