dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
