i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
