I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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