3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
