he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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