By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
