Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize