I accidentally burped into my bong.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
