one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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