i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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