just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
